What Is A Swinger? All You Need To Know About the Swinger Lifestyle


A swinger is someone that is in a mutual agreement with their partner to participate in the swapping of sexual partners or group sex. Both members of the couple give each other freedom to practice sex with other couples and single males or single females. Swinger couples design a list of rules and conditions that depends on each other’s wants and desires. This practice remains unconventional due to the common beliefs of monogamy.

Becoming a Swinger                 

A major question that surrounds couples and those in the swinger lifestyle is, “How did you get into the swinger lifestyle?”. Swingers usually find this an easy question to answer, and the majority will tell you that it’s because they get pleasure from watching their significant other receive pleasure.

Getting started in the lifestyle varies from couple to couple. Some people know what they want right from the start, and they begin engaging in sexual activities with other couples without thinking twice. However, other couples take it slow. Once the initial fears and doubts dissipate, swinger couples will start seeking their first experience.

Meeting other swingers has become increasingly easier with the advancements in technology. One of the most common misconceptions about the swinger community is that you need to know someone in order to gain access to the exclusive “club”. Today, there are adult swinger websites similar to dating apps, swinger resorts, swinger night clubs, and swinger meet and greets. Those that are interested in meeting other swingers will be very successful if they join a free swinger dating website such as SDC.com, SLS.com, or Kasidie.com. On these swinger dating sites, you can find other swinger couples, single males, and single females. These sites feature events such as house parties hosted by other swingers, meet and greets, themed parties at swinger clubs, and swinger cruises. Some sites even feature a “speed dating” section where you can find/post availability to meet up with other couples.

swinger website

Becoming a swinger is not very difficult at all. The overall steps to joining the swinger lifestyle include talking with your significant other about the lifestyle and agreeing it is something you would like to explore together. Next, meeting up with another couple for a swinger date or attending an event to meet other swingers, and relax, let your hair down and start having fun!

How can couples initiate the idea of the swinger lifestyle?

Many new couples want to experiment with the swinger lifestyle; it is human nature to explore the unknown and develop a sense of “fear of missing out”. Yet, couples face the challenge of initiating the idea of the lifestyle to one another in fear of upsetting their spouse. It can be a difficult topic to discuss as we are taught from a young age that monogamy is the way of life; however, human sexuality teaches us that people seek multiple partners throughout their life and crave to be desired by others. Often times, people fear that their spouse will think that they are insinuating allowing infidelity in the relationship. Still, we know that this is not true, swinging is a mutually agreed-upon sexual encounter experienced by both partners together. This can become an obstacle due to the uncomfortable feelings and fears for those that want to initiate the swinger lifestyle into their relationship.

Here are some ways to discuss the idea of the swinger lifestyle with your partner:

  1. Don’t be shy
    Your significant other is in your life for a reason, and they know more about you than you realize. While it may be daunting, once you get it off your chest, you will feel 1,000 times better, and possibly look back and laugh at yourself for being so silly. Bringing up your true feelings and the idea of swinging is not easy, however, being shy and nervous will only make you raise suspicions with your partner, you want to be strong and confident in yourself and your desires.
  2. Be honest
    Once you know that you would like to explore the swinger lifestyle with your spouse, the best thing to do is, to be honest with them. As we discussed, being open, honest and confident makes this process much easier. It is also important, to be honest with yourself, do a little research before bringing it up and make sure you are 100% comfortable with the idea of seeing your significant other with another person. It is also important to be sure that you will be okay engaging with another person in front of your partner. Understanding a little about the lifestyle will help make discussing the option with your spouse much easier. Also, this helps you to lose the fear of these encounters, and to expand your horizons. At this point, voyeurism and exhibitionism are some of the most recommended activities because they don’t imply physical arousal; you can leave that for later when you feel more comfortable. Also, this helps you to lose the fear of these encounters, and to expand your horizons.
  3. Talking dirty during sex
    You’re probably talked dirty before, but the thought of bringing up your idea of joining the swinging lifestyle during sex can feel weird at first. However, this is one of the easiest ways to discuss this topic. Nothing is hotter than whispering dirty thoughts into your better half’s ear while making love, which makes it super easy to throw in the idea of adding another person or two to the mix. For example, if you’re trying to convince your husband this is something you’d really like to explore, throw in the idea of having two women give him a blow job at the same time. This helps to put the idea into perspective, and what better time than in the midst of the action? It is best not to try and wait until after you’ve had sex to bring it up, it can make your partner feel as though you lack something and they’re not fulfilling you sexually. You want to be able to make this discussion as comfortable and simple as can be, which is why talking dirty during sex will bring a whole different perspective to the table and put the fantasy into reality.

Getting Started: Knowing the Basic Terms

There are certain terms that are used in the Swinger community you should become familiar with. Getting to know the lingo will make the transition into the swinger lifestyle much easier. It also helps when you are setting your list of rules and when talking to other couples. A few basic terms to help you get started are:

  • Unicorn. A unicorn is a term used for a single female in the swinger community. It is believed that a single female is as rare as the mythical creature, the unicorn, in the swinger community, which is why we refer to them as unicorns.
  • Soft Swap. Soft swap refers to the type of sexual activities you engage in. Soft swap includes kissing, caressing, oral sex, use of toys, and sex with your partner and another couple in the same room (without the swapping of partners).
  • Full Swap. Full swap refers to the type of sexual activities you and your partner engage in. Full swap includes everything that is included in soft swap, however, includes the swapping of sexual partners.
  • Exhibition/Voyeur. Exhibition
  • Same room. When someone asks if you are a same room couple, they are asking if you prefer to have sex in the same room. When engaging in full swap, you may choose only to allow “same room” which means your partner will not leave to go into a different room with the opposing partner.
  • Separate room. Contrary to same room, different room refers to the permission to play in separate rooms from each other. When engaging in full swap, you may choose only to allow “separate room” play, which means your partner may leave to go into a different room with the opposing partner.
  • BDSM. A variety of erotic roleplaying such as bondage, discipline, submission, etc. Bondage and discipline involve hand and leg ties, choker collars, whips, and more. Submission, sadism and masochism involve roleplaying and control. These activities can be combined together to create arousal and pleasure.
free swinger website

How do Swinger Parties differ from Orgies?

Many people mistake swinger parties with orgies; that’s why it is essential to acknowledge the difference between the two. The term orgy refers to a large party of people having sex with each other at one time. Orgies are not usually a planned event that includes activities outside of sex.
When it comes to swinger parties, they are well put together, planned and thought out. Guests are welcomed into a home, night club, or resort to meet other couples, mingle, flirt, and are never expected to engage in any sexual activity if they do not wish to. Swinger parties often surround a specific theme, especially dependent on the time of year. Halloween, New Year’s, and Valentine’s Day bring out the sexiest outfits, and swingers love dressing up, or down if you know what I mean. While swinger’s parties do often include sexual activities, no one is forced or pushed into engaging in something they do not want to.
Many couples fantasize together about the people they will meet, how excellent the encounter will be, the kind of experience they will have. Swingers often find the “hunt” of their perfect couple to be exciting. For swingers, sex is just one of the many factors that make these activities exciting. Trivial things like choosing the right outfit and preparing themselves in the mirror can add a lot to the thrill.

Expectations vs Reality

The encounter with another couple can either fulfil our expectations or not. However, what matters is the experience we’re sharing with our partners, even the most negative ones can become great stories that we can learn from.
Sometimes, these experiences can even teach us something about the person we’re sharing part of our lives with and ourselves. Exploring sexually with your partner allows you both to understand your desires, what excites you, what turns you off, and other activities you would like to explore more.
As a swinger couple, it can be difficult to have certain expectations and be let down. Never let it interfere with your personal sex life. Allow your partner to learn with you and help keep you satisfied. Just remember, there are times your experiences will go well above and beyond your expectations and leave you both breathless. It is all about the journey and pleasures you will experience together.
The passion, cooperation, and freedom the couple shares are the pillars of a swinger couple as nothing can undo the bond between them, not even when there are guests in their bed.
Being a swinger couple is not recommended for everyone. It can be dangerous to the relationship if both parts have no idea of where they are going and how they’re going to take that journey. However, those that make an effort to understand each other better and to free their bodies and minds will uncover a whole new concept of the relationship and become more engaged and sincere.

LGBT Swing too

Before, it was tough to find spaces where those who identify with LGBT engaged in the lifestyle community. But now things have changed, and there are swinger clubs that welcome people of all sexual orientations and gender identities to participate in swaps. Most of the time, bisexual action is encouraged between women, but it’s also arousing between men, and the swinger community is anything but judgmental.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. Will becoming swingers improve your marriage?
    Swinging isn’t a magic wand that will solve all your problems in the blink of an eye. It can be good or bad for your marriage; it depends on the current state of your marriage and the level of jealousy between you and your partner. For example, if your relationship is very strong and you want to experiment with new things, becoming swingers can be a great way to get to know each other better and improve the communication you have as a couple and your sex life. On the contrary, if you have a very damaging relationship that involves a lot of jealousy and mistrust. Then it is better to solve those problems first before even thinking about joining the swinger community. Trust is the most important thing when you are a swinger couple, and you both need to practice that to advance in your journey together.
  2. Is Swinging the Same Thing as Cheating?
    No. Swinging and cheating are two different things. While both involve sexual activities with a third party, swinging is entirely consensual and involves both partners at all times.
  3. It is just sex, right?
    Swinging for many couples is a casual sexual encounter, while for some, they develop favorite couples and take their experiences to a whole new level. Many couples like to experiment with different things because it helps them be open-minded and have better communication as a couple. For most couples, this is achieved through non-sexual activities; however, swinging is a great way of experimenting with new and different things you both enjoy.
  4. What if, after experimenting with swinging, my partner prefers to have sex with other people than with me?
    This does not typically happen; after swinging, couples seek to bring it back together and be with each other. As humans, we like sex because of multiple factors; one of them is the thrill of trying something new. During a swinging session, there is a lot of that: different people, different environments, and of course, different techniques. When we encounter something that we’ve been looking for, we tend to enjoy it twice as much, which makes swinging thrilling and desirable for couples. However, be aware that your partner is not with you solely for the sex; otherwise, your relationship would have ended a while ago. You’re together because you share a lifetime of love, complicity, interests, and many other factors that keep you strong. Swinging is something special you share together. A privilege that swingers share is the ability to increase their sex life, communication, understanding, and passion for one another.
  5. What about the risks of getting an STD?
    The risk of an STD is the same as if you were having sex as a single person. Every sexual activity has risks, and as an adult, you must take as many precautions as possible to have a healthy and joyful sex life. Currently, there are no studies that say swinger couples have a higher risk of getting an STD or STI. Practicing safe sex is the best way to protect yourself and your partner.
  6. What is the best way to get started in the Swinger lifestyle?
    Swingers can start their journey in the lifestyle in a few different ways; they include:
    Swinger Dating Websites
    The best way to explore the different opportunities in the lifestyle, find other couples and discover events near you is through swinger dating websites.
    Swinger’s Clubs
    Swinger’s clubs are a great way to meet other swingers in a low-pressure setting and allow couples to explore the lifestyle
    Swinger Parties
    Swinger parties are a lot of fun and a preferred way to meet other swingers. Parties offer a more intimate setting that allows couples to meet other swingers face to face.
  7. What happens after the swap?
    One of the biggest questions couples face when considering the lifestyle, is what happens after our first experience? This is a fear that many people have and seriously consider when exploring the swinger lifestyle. Couples often wonder if themselves or their partner will feel jealousy, regret, or hurt. However, once you get over the initial hump and enjoy your first experience together, couples do what we refer to as “regrouping” and feel an even stronger connection. One of the best moments in your journey through the lifestyle is facing your fears and enjoying a sexy fun time together.
  8. Can I be a swinger if I don’t have a partner?
    Of course, you can! The Swinger community welcomes everyone who wants to engage in this lifestyle regardless of relationship status. Couples seek out single females and single males. Some have the “hotwife” fantasy where the husband enjoys watching his wife get pleasured, and there are bi-sexual women that love bringing another woman into play while watching her husband enjoy himself too.

Bottom Line

A swinger is someone that is in a mutual agreement with their partner to participate in the swapping of sexual partners or group sex. Both members of the couple give each other freedom to practice sex with other couples and single males or single females. When you are ready and mutually agree that you would like to join the lifestyle you and your partner can begin exploring different swinger dating websites, events, and clubs. It is crucial never to let someone pressure yourself. Never engage in something you’re not ready to do.
Swinging isn’t about imposing anything. Everyone lives their sexuality in different ways, and we must respect everyone’s point of view.
You might be quite shocked to find out that swingers are your neighbors, your friends, your family, your doctors, your nurses, your lawyers, your first responders. Swingers are old and young. They are long-time married couples, newlyweds, dating couples and single. Swingers are spouses, partners, parents and grandparents. They stand behind you in line at the store, and some sit next to you in church every week. They build your homes, bag your groceries, run local businesses, protect and serve your community, and defend this country. They live in every neighborhood in every town in every state of the USA and almost every country around the world.
The most important thing to know about swingers and they want you to understand is that they are not seeking to steal your spouse or looking to break up a happy home. Swingers simply enjoy the company of others and discovering new experiences, together.

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